Apple's Vision Pro Has a Familiar Fatal Flaw: They Are Nerd Goggles

This is the reality for Apple's Vision Pro mixed-reality headset: It's another pair of nerd goggles that will make most people look decidedly uncool.

Apple is usually a master at turning technical gadgetry into desirable status symbols. For now, the Vision Pro has failed to do pull this off.

Scott Galloway doesn't always make the best calls on the future of technology, but the NYU marketing professor hit the nail on the head when describing the magic of Apple products back in 2017.

"The No. 1 signal of wealth, the No. 1 signal of power and the No. 1 signal of your likelihood of a random sexual encounter and a greater selection set among potential mates is the iPhone," he said. "An iPhone is saying to the opposite sex or to a potential mate, 'I have good genes. You should mate with me.'"

Owning a fancy iPhone signals success, wealth, and tech savvy.

A green text from someone from an Android phone, on the other hand, can elicit judgment, as Android devices are generally cheaper. The response may not be honorable, but it's often the case. It's a big part of what made the iPhone the most profitable computing device in history and helped Apple's market valuation skyrocket to $2.8 trillion.

A similar thing happens when a person walks by at the airport holding a MacBook, wearing AirPods Max headphones, and sporting a high-end Apple Watch. This person is pretty cool.

Now, imagine that same person wearing the Pro Vision headset at the airport. They are going to look either silly or disconnected from reality. At best, wearing this device on your face will suggest that you love video games and Apple devices intensely — so intensely that you may not have much love left for other humans. There's a market for that, but it's a lot smaller than the one created by the iPhone.

It's noteworthy that many of the Vision Pro images Apple shared on Monday were of women — rather than geeky male gamers — wearing the device. One photo shows a woman on a flight with the gadget set back on her head -- so you can see her whole face.

I put all this to a close friend who lives, and dates, in New York City. We talk sometimes about technology, Apple, and related topics. She's one of those people who can't help herself from reacting negatively to green iMessage bubbles, so she's an Apple fan usually.

Would she be impressed by a guy wearing a $3,499 Apple Pro Vision headset?

"Definitely not," she replied. "Won't work."

Why?

"Nothing that makes you look worse will work on your face," she said.

Of course, other Apple devices have stumbled out of the gate, only to go on to major success and prove doubters wrong. AirPods and the Apple Watch come to mind. And this is only the first iteration of Apple's headset. The ultimate goal is probably to pack all the prowess of the Vision Pro into a cool slim pair of glasses. Many people look cool in glasses, including Scott Galloway and my friend who lives in New York.

If any tech company can create glasses with these capabilities, it will be Apple. However, Mark Gurman, the top Apple reporter, recently wrote that Apple's AI glasses were postponed indefinitely due to "technical challenges."

"Apple's initial dream of offering a lightweight pair of AR glasses that people could wear all day now appears many years away — if it happens at all," he wrote in January.

So, it's nerd goggles for now.